Being ‘brave’.
If I look brave up in the dictionary, it isn’t a word I
would use to describe myself…. at all. In fact, I feel pretty opposite of ‘brave’
majority of the time. Yet, I have been called it several times since moving
away from home.
So far, I have been scared out of my mind of
different things…. fearful of things that aren’t even an issue yet….fearful of
things that have already been fixed……fearful of what simply may happen….as in, have a 5% chance of
happening…..
I’ve been scared of ridiculous things, and things that I
laugh at later…. and I’m still scared of things…ridiculous things that friends
usually say ‘Katie, come on!’ about…. or things that when I’m REALLY thinking
deeply about them, the reality of them, I feel foolish.
I’ve clammed up when a stranger has asked for money. I have
shied away from taking public transportation because something MIGHT happen! I
have stayed home from doing things I want because of fear. At times, I have
stayed in this little bubble of a compound because new is scary. And I have laid
wide-awake in my bed because of ridiculous noises that sound odd…. but, again,
are nothing! The life of the Croods doesn't seem so ridiculous sometimes ;)
So, brave? Hardly.
We all have fears. And as we grow up those fears either fall
away, become even scarier, or we learn that some scary things will just exist
alongside us, so we cope. Sometimes our fears are like a roller coaster…. going
up and down and spinning all over the place. Death is a roller-coaster fear for
me…. some days I’m all “HECK YEAH! Heaven is going to be AMAZING!” and then others…I’m
more along the lines of “Heaven sounds excruciatingly boring…and I really am
enjoying my time here…”…and some days I think over and over again about how I
will eventually die…..??
Again, looking at the definition of bravery…. times like when
I left for college, I thought I was being brave. Turns out, I was…. but that
feeling of bravery dissipated as I settled in, knew that it was all okay, and
did well. Bravery became a moment…a step off the ledge…. and a nudge forward
despite the fear.
The specific act of stepping on to the plane this past
November was a moment of ‘bravery’…and the rest has, again, been life.
I don’t want to discount moments of bravery…in fact, I am
writing to express just the opposite. We are all brave. Living life is brave.
There are scary, scary things out there…..there are sad things, exciting
things, intangible things, big things, small things, and just because it’s
good, doesn’t mean it doesn’t take bravery. It can be just a moment, or it can
be many moments piled on to one another. It can be just a step on to a plane,
or a journey of a lifetime.
To me, what bravery should mean is putting one foot in front
of the other, day after day, no matter what. Some days those steps will be
easy, and some days those steps will feel impossible…but it’s all brave. And it
all starts with ONE STEP. We get to live a CRAZY life in our time on this
world! We get to see things, inspiring things that are BEAUTIFULLY and
PERFECTLY created for US!! We get to explore, learn, grow, make mistakes, fall
apart, stand back up…. and we get to be brave. Every. Single. Day.
Being brave shouldn’t be the irregular compliment, or the rarity. It
should be the normalcy…. and it should be something that we see in ourselves, and
in those around us. It’s something that we should be proud of every day…. again, within our
selves, our friends, and our family.
Living life is just something that happens, but we get to
SEEK things, search for new things, find out new things about ourselves every day. We get to look for every crack in the earth that was planted by a
God that intended a life of bravery for us. He intended for us to be strong and
inspired by this world…inspired by what is already here, what we bring, and
what is still to come.
As I’ve continued to settle in to my new home, I’ve shifted
back and forth from what I’ve done that seems and feels brave, and what is just
part of life. And most days, I truthfully don’t want to recognize the brave
things….because compared to what others are doing in this world, they are just
small things. But we ALL have a reason to celebrate our steps. They may seem
small to others, and they will seem big to some as well. But they are your
steps. Be inspired by the life you can lead, and what you can do with it! We
are on this amazing playground, and we are only here for a short time.
This is my commitment to feeling brave every day. It may be
a simple step to someone else, but it’s still mine, and it’s still a step.
Many blessings to each of you as you go through your own journey.
Don’t let anyone else take the light that guides your steps away from you…. and be proud of the
steps you’ve taken. Big or small.
One foot in front of the other is all it is…. and it’s
brave.
