Timing

Timing just seems to screw with us.....day in and day out.....I, personally, tend to get caught up in the negatives of how things work out sometimes. I left 5 minutes late and now I have to wait for the train to pass........if I wasn't waiting on so and so all morning, then I would have all these things done....and the list goes on.

It's easy, most of the time, to focus on the negatives.......and don't get me wrong....sometimes when someone pops up and says 'just look at the positives'....I want to punch them in the face. Screw positives....sometimes things just suck.....someone is out to get me......I'm being taught another stupid lesson......negativity, negativity, negativity.

But today......I'm breathing in the positives. Truly breathing them in.....because the TRUTH is that timing is beyond us. We may know how to tell time, watch the seconds, minutes, and hours.....we know when it's been days, and when it's been weeks. But TIMING....as in the sequence of how things work out......that's beyond us and in the hands of someone much mightier than us. And no, I'm not talking about Chris Pine.....although I'm pretty sure he has impeccable timing with just about everything ;)

We not only have the ability to, but the LUXURY of trusting God with His timing. To be honest, 'trusting God's timing' sounds like a load of crap to me when I am needing to hear it the most. But, timing has smacked me in the face today. Flat out smacked me, humbled me, reminded me of His power, and of my inability to understand His plan.

Since leaving the country, I have worried about what I would miss out on back home. I have worried about the good things I'd miss, and the bad things I'd miss. I was aware that just because I moved away, the safety of those that I love isn't guaranteed.....despite how fair that sounds...

My mom woke me up this morning around 6am saying that we needed to leave the house immediately. My grandmother was found on her bathroom floor, bleeding from the fall, and hardly responding. She had a stroke....a massive massive stroke. When I arrived at the hospital, I was sure that her time was almost up. My grandmother is 91, just had a massive stroke, and seemed almost completely unresponsive.

As I walked over to her left side, which was the only side she could see out of.....she touched her necklace that I gave her this last mothers day, grabbed my hand, and kissed it.

Timing.

I have been feeling such a pull to get back to Sierra Leone lately....not sure why, but I've just been feeling the need to get back and start work again. And this isn't to say that this single, perfectly sweet moment was the ONLY purpose that I have extended my stay in the US.....twice. But I do absolutely believe that it is a very specific step along the path. I do believe that this moment was part of the story, and that it was supposed to be that way all along. Because it was perfect, and I needed it. Gram needed it.

I may have been annoyed in the process of getting to here....but that has gone completely out the window, all because of this moment. I got to watch my 94-year-old grandfather lean in to my grandmother, holding her hand, and tell her he loves her and that he is so proud of the life they have had. I got to watch my whole family pile in a room to stand beside our sweet Gram.

Timing.

We have the luxury of being part of a beautiful plan....not only a plan that is larger than us, but also larger than what we could possibly imagine WITHIN us. It honestly just brings me to such a humble place......I'm usually scared of things that are bigger than me (sharks, ships, bears, you get it)...but this, I'm simply amazed by.

A good friend once told me that our time on earth is like a dot on a page. I LOVE THAT. Not only because it's true, and reminds me of how much time we get to spend with God in comparison to our time on earth....but also because it reminds me of how we are literally a dot, and we have such perfect amazing timing given to us. We have SO much packed in to our little dot.

Our dot is crazy, beautiful, short, small, packed, dark, fun, and a whole giant mess at times. But I'm proud of mine.....because it was perfectly and beautifully handed to me.

I am beyond thankful for this time that I have had with my grandmother and my family. And, yes, I am still eager to get back to SL.....but I'm in no rush. It's not for me to worry about.....and it's certainly not for me to resist against. Because of the bigger plan, I got to sit here tonight, right next to my grandmother, reading to her, showing her pictures, and holding her hand. And tomorrow, I will be lucky and blessed to do the exact same thing.

Timing. It's beautiful, annoying, and perfect.

Kiss, love, and hug the ones who rest deep within your heart. Don't hide how you feel, no matter how stupid it sounds when it comes out. Embrace EVERY SINGLE DAY......it is part of a giant plan....one within you, and one within this crazy world. And this plan........well.....it was perfectly timed.